Sunday, June 12, 2016

Transitions

How long has it been since I had time to blog? or really do anything for that matter?

Oh, how life changes when you have a little human who takes all your attention, you are working home part-time (which really means you are working on call which means all the time plus more), starting your own business, have two big girls home for the summer, going to the pool, taking vacations, and enjoying life... #summer #summerfun #muellerfamily #summershenanigans

I'm currently avoiding packing for a trip, my baby girl is sleeping, my hubby is working on our deck, I just closed a 58 hour work week for Andy Frain and a business building week for R+F, I served at church for the first time this weekend and I should be napping... #haha #rfroadto1 #workingfromhome #nonstoplife #procrastinationisafulltimejob #hardlyworking

So, here's the update:

February:
My sweet Lorelei was born! Oh boy, I mean girl, she is a precious little thing. It was a long journey to get to meet this little one we longed for greatly. When the time finally came, I had a scheduled C-Section (not the easy way - for anyone who would like to share their opinions...). I had 6 weeks of difficult recovery, was unable to sleep in my own bed for a long time, had to buy a recliner chair to sleep in, couldn't bend/stand/sit or do lots of things for a while. #february #baby #loreleigrace #momlife #surgery #healing #cesarean #recovery #notsoeasy




March:
Most of March was filled with a sweet baby, adjusting to being a mom, healing from a gapping abdomen wound surgery, and family. Mostly lots and lots of family - which under any other circumstances I would have been against, but this was so much needed and appreciated. My family planned it out and took turns staying with us so that I could have help with Lorelei. It was amazing! I don't know what I would have done without all those extra hands. It meant I got to shower and sleep and other people cleaned and cooked. My hubby didn't have to do everything and that made me less stressed as well. #marchmadess #momlife #healing #loreleigrace #family #lovethem #cantdoitall



April:
I cried when Lorelei got her first round of shots. I felt so helpless, for the first time in a long time she cried that super sad baby cry as if she were saying - momma, why do you let them do this to me?! - oh I am not looking forward to the next round of shots at our 4 month follow-up. #loreleigrace #gettingtoobigtoofast #momlife #sometimesthereistears #wehatethedoctor



May:
My littles finished school - started summer break! Its been fun, hectic and much more already. We had a family photo session when my sis Ang came to town. We have had planned excursions to the library at least twice weekly and now that the pool is open they are wanting to go every day! #schoolsoutforthesummer #summer #summerfun #muellerfamily #summershenanigans #familyphotos




I turned 30. It doesn't feel different than 29, but I guess it makes me seem more legit. lol. My husband is amazing and threw me a surprise birthday party (with the help of my brother Matt). The first party anybody has ever throw for me and it was so very special! #dirty30 #birthday #surprise #party #lovethem



I started my own business with Rodan + Fields and became an independent consultant - WOOHOO! Building my future one goal at a time. Just starting out, but I can see greatness in my future (was that on a fortune cookie? cause it should be!) #rfroadto1 #rodanandfields #changingskinchanginglives #joinme #bossbabe #sparetimeentrepreneur

June:
Served at church for the first time in a long time. I'm singing with the worship band ... it brought on a lot of anxiety, nerves, stress and fell into the same week as my crazy busy AFS work schedule... But it was good. I made new friends, I am building a community and I am excited to continue on this path. #serve #CCCMontgomery #churchfamily #community #love #god #vox #workingmytailoff #idontevenhaveatail #icouldbuyatailwiththisnextpaycheck




Amazing how you think you have been pushed to the limit and then God pushes you further... This week has really shown me what I was made of. Obviously not stone cause I did have a minor meltdown, but then after I cried it out I was fine. Life is full of transitions, one phase to the next and if we are not careful we will blink and miss it all. This month my baby girls turns 4 months old - for anyone who's keeping track, that means a 1/4 of her first year is over already and that is just too fast for me. I know I will blink again and she will be in elementary school, then junior high, high school, college, or getting her career off to a start or even getting married or having kids. Some people will say - don't rush it. I'm not, but I am absolutely realistic and I couldn't imagine any of this differently.

I get the opportunity to be home with my kiddos. It's a huge blessing! I would not know how to do life any differently. I cannot imagine not enjoying all this summer fun with them. I cannot imagine missing any little moment with Lorelei. Life will never be perfect, but this is pretty darn close to it. #love #wouldntchangeathing #ilovehashtags #momlife #muellerfamily #transitions #changeishard #changeisgood #adjustingtothisnewwayoflife

Okay. I really have to stop this and go start packing.. #memphisherewecome #summershenanigans #muellerfamily #moretocome


Thursday, February 4, 2016

#momlife

I've been a "mom" or "mother figure" for a really long time. I'd say, almost my entire life. When you grow up in a large family and you naturally take on mom-like responsibilities at a young age because it's always about the #familywin and not about the #melife. This naturally made me really good with kids and I was the sought after babysitter in every neighborhood I ever lived in. There were times that people would move away and still drive to come pick me up because I was the only one who could take care of their kids in all their glory.

Obviously, I love kids. I always have. I always knew I would grow up and be a great mom and that is what I wanted for myself, my future husband, my family, etc. Then, in high school I was told that was not likely going to be the future for me. As I got older, the doom and gloom of my body not being able to produce a child became more clear and devastating. Every year I would ask the same questions of my doctors and every year they would run tests and follow that up with the dark phone calls that shared the results.

At some point I gave up on the idea of ever creating a baby of my own and just focused on the idea of adopting a child. I still did not want to give up on the idea of chasing that #momlife but I knew that I couldn't keep chasing after that idea that I could bare my own child some day. This concept was a huge struggle for me for a very long time. I hated God for taking this from me and I didn't understand why he would give me such a long and perseverance for a dream when it was not going to granted to me.

I never questioned my faith or my knowledge of God's ability to perform miracles. What I did do though was became complacent with my body and what it could and could not do. I just accepted this idea and never thought for a minute that I would have another life.

Then I met the man of my dreams and the girls of my #momlife desires. I know that sounds crazy and most people would think I am crazy because I jumped into this #starterfamily the way I did, but it was perfect for me. He was perfect. They were perfect. So much love poured out of my heart and I could not imagine life any other way than with them. We became a family and though it is unique, different, crazy, stressful, hectic and much more it's also loving, joyful, exciting, fun, peaceful...

I had some crazy medical stuff come up and was basically told - this is it... if you want to even try to have a child ... then it's now or never. Eric and I talked for a long time about it and we both had a longing for that addition to our family. We decided to go for it. We spent months meeting with doctors, I got poked and prodded time after time and loaded up with hormones. Nothing worked. Everything became drab, dark, and devastating all over again. The doctors had given us this hope and as we ran toward the light it seemed to be dimming.

Feeling absolutely helpless at this point, I remember getting a text from my dad. I know, if you know him then you know he is a strong foundation. A man that stands strong in the word of God and hears him when he speaks... On 1/29/2015 he sent me a text that read...




Something changes that day. I read and re-read Hannah's story. I prayed and prayed every day. I prayed not for a baby, but I prayed for healing of my body, my heart, my mind. I prayed for my husband and our daughters. I prayed for our family as it was and as it would be - whatever God had in store for us. It was hard and humbling but I did it. 

I'm not sure if it was the struggle of Hannah that brought me back to life - if it was marrying the man of my dreams - if it was having two beautiful daughters in my life that I call my own even though I didn't birth them. I have no idea what regenerated this crazy love and longing for that #momlife that I had always dreamed of... but it came to me and I ran with it.

I have images, scans, ultrasounds, dr reports that say this is all impossible, but NOTHING is impossible when you have an UNSTOPPABLE God. Because what I and many others prayed for happened. My body was healed. From test to test, the doctors basically couldn't believe their eyes. What they said could never happened, happened. Drs questioned whether the images they were seeing were actual images, whether they were timed and dated correctly, whether they all belonged to me... But they did.

And now I sit here typing, 37 weeks pregnant. What a miracle. I have seen God work miracles over and over in my life and in the lives of people around me and I don't care what anyone ever says - I am in awe and always will be. I put my faith in that.

I know that there are a lot of moms out there that talk all the time about the sacrifices they made to be a mom, the life they gave up or the life they wished they could live...

What does my mom life look like?
I cut my salary in half to be closer for my family and give my girls opportunities they didn't have before. I traded in my vehicle to get that #familycar. I sit at home on the weekends when my friends party because I would rather be there than anywhere else. My hubby and I are very selective as to when we go out, if we do, because we want to be extremely intentional about having as much #familytime with the girls as possible. I say no to making plans a lot because I choose the #momlife. I get a #girlsnight every time my hubby has a show or band practice and it gives me more opportunity to build an even better relationship with my precious girls. I choose to be the #toughparent because I know that is my kids need, they have enough friends - they need an example, boundaries, someone to show them the way.

The #momlife is not a sacrifice to me. I know it is different for me than many others. I don't try to get away when I can because I need a break. I don't try to plan as many play dates as possible so that I can have a break. I don't need my kids to be in numerous sports or activities to prove that I'm "involved" or a "good parent".

I heard something on the radio the other morning that I thought was absolutely precious and want to start instituting. A mom did a daily #heartcheck on her kids. She would put her ear to their chest and list to their hearts. She would then tell them... "Your heart checks out... Its a happy heart... probably because of ..." and then she would list a few reasons why their hearts would be happy. Something they did well that day, something that they did that made her heart beam, that made her proud, etc. Her kids are now double digit ages and they still long for #heartchecks every day.

This is the life I have been granted and I wouldn't change it for the world. Now I get to spend a little time focusing on the gift of an addition we will soon be making to our family and how much more abundant that will allow my #momlife to be.

So when I say ... #momlife ... it's not at all a negative. It's basically the easiest way for me to sum up everything I have said here, how grateful I am that I get to have this experience and how humbling it is daily. To all the mommas out there... take a few minutes and just bask in your #momlife and what it means to you. Celebrate that you are doing your best, that you are an amazing mom, and that someday your kids will look back on all the good and what you instilled in them and be grateful too. I am.

Tuesday, January 19, 2016

A light...

There's a light at the end of the tunnel. I can see it and feel it. 35 weeks along and 5 weeks to go. And this has been a long journey. Though I know it has flown by so quickly, it has also drug on slowly. I don't know how else to consider this time other than a crazy timeframe that I will cherish forever.

Pre-Baby


We are pregnant!!!


It's a girl!


It's October, which means we are 22 Weeks along - 18 to go!


It's December, getting closer! Weeks 29-31


January!! Not too much longer to go...


Only 1 repeat shirt... haha. Can you believe how big this belly has gotten even from the beginning of January to now? My maternity shirts are almost not fitting anymore. Belly getting bigger means shirts getting shorter..  haha - soon enough I will get to wear a tent or something like that... haha.

And we are nearing the end - we have assembled all the furniture and baby gadgets - we are as ready as we can be. Her room is painted, put together and ready to go. I've got clothes in the dresser and categories in the closet. Her bookshelf is getting fuller and fuller as the days go by. All I can do at this point is wait for her to arrive.



My family and friends blessed me with a baby shower! I cannot even express how amazing and humbling it was. Just to be provided with almost everything that we need for Lorelei. Blessed is even an understatement to express how I am feeling.

I feel like this page has been neglected in a way because I have dove so deeply into preparing for her and preparing my family. I have been writing to her every week. We have spent a lot of time figuring out what projects need to be completed before she arrives and getting those projects done.

Soon and very soon we are going to meet her and I cannot wait to blow this page up with cutie little pictures of my girl!! Excited! There is absolutely a light at the end of this tunnel and as we chug forward quickly, I press the brakes a little just to take it to the end slowly. I just want to be sure that we are all healthy and ready. I have waited a very long time for this and I am okay waiting a couple more weeks to make sure she is fully cooked!