Thursday, October 8, 2015

Hold your head high

Hold your head high and .... you middle finger higher?!

Okay - So normally I do not condone such an attitude, but there does come a time in your life when you can either cant the "sticks and stone can break my bones, but words can never hurt me" or you can stick it to the man and say "buzz off"...

Sometimes people don't understand that the things they say can really leave a mark on you. At times those words are positive and encouraging and we hold those near and dear to our hearts. Pulling them out when we really need them and reminiscing on them when we need them again. Other times the things people say can be really negative, depressing, and drag you down. Those words are the ones that stain your heart and harden your outlook toward them, toward the issue, toward life.

Do you think before you speak or do you just think whatever you have to say is necessary no matter how it will impact the other person or people in your life?

Verbal abuse is described as a negative defining statement told to the person or about the person, or by withholding any response, thereby defining the target as non-existent

Verbal Praise is statements communicating the value of a person's work or behavior by expressing approval.

Think about what you are saying and how often the things you say fall into either category. Just for the record... continually beating someone down verbally does not gain a positive outcome.

We struggle with how to react to our kids, how to pass on the appropriate verbal discipline without it being demeaning and how to praise the correct aspect (ie - the child not the act). We struggle with how to react to our parents, siblings, and coworkers in a positive way instead of a negative way. Often times our sarcasm seeps out and we do not renege it - leaving the words we have slain out to slowly but surely cut deeper and deeper into that person.

Most frequently the side jabs or comments made include comparisons with others, income/job inadequacies, weight loss or weight gain, discounting efforts, judging, criticizing, trivializing, undermining, name calling - I could go on, but we all know what I am talking about.

Do you think before you speak?

Consider this...
Is what you are saying true?
Is it necessary to share?
Is it kind?

A while back I blogged about The Help ...

you can chant the "sticks and stones can break my bones but words can never hurt me" until you are blue in the face... all the while those words are breaking you on the inside just as the sticks and stones would break you on the outside. The difference is - people cant see in unless you let them and often times you will never let the bully in.

Before you speak - question whether what you are saying is actually going to have a positive outcome - or whether you are just saying it to beat someone down into submission. You may not even realize the impact of your own words or the canyon that is forming in your loved ones heart because of the things you are saying.

I'm just saying ... consider it.

And to all those that are fighting off the words - the ones that are taking the beating...

Hold you head high. You are bigger and better. You are prettier and smarter. You are worth it. You have something to live for and your future will be brighter. You are perfect just the way you are! You are appreciated, your hard work has not gone unnoticed.

Stick it to the man - give em the finger. Tell em to buzz off.

Hold your head high - because you deserve it! You don't have to prove your worth - if they don't see it then they are the ones missing out!

Don't get me wrong - there are times when this happens in a parent/child relationship or a marriage and you cannot exactly tell the other person to buzz off because you are eternally linked to them. You still do not need that kind of negativity in your life. You need to voice that. If something offends you, say it. If something digs deep, say it. This doesn't make you a wuss, it makes you courageous. It makes you stronger. It makes you feel better about yourself. And hopefully, it makes the other person realize what they are saying - they shouldn't be...

The only reason someone wants to make you feel little is so they can feel bigger! Remember that. Often times they are the ones feeling little and their incessant need to break you down makes them feel better about themselves.

Growing up my dad would always say "be careful what you say because there is a bit of truth in every word you speak."

Those words have carried through life with me and I have grown wiser from them. I have been able to check myself - being quick to renege on something I say when it doesn't come out just right or apologize to someone when I hurt them. I have also been able to understand what people really mean and how there is truth in everything they say. You can say you are "just kidding", but unless you actually recognize that you have offended/hurt someone and apologize - we all know you weren't just kidding.

Dwell on the good things and leave behind the bad things. When you realize you have said something negative and you don't think you can undo it - say 5 positive things. Make a conscious decision to lift that person up and show them that you actually do care.

Obviously we never know what someone else is thinking... but I can bet it looks a lot like this...

Just consider it.... 

No comments:

Post a Comment