Sunday, September 20, 2015


There are times in our lives when we hear a song and it just sinks into our skin and gives us then chills. That moment when a lyric stings your soul and you feel like there is a distinct connection between you and what is being said. I had that today. It's something you cannot explain, but people who love music and feel it this way can completely understand what I am talking about. 

I was sitting in church and they were talking about transformation. The idea of non-conformance and really taking the focus off working so hard toward being different and just being different. Which I think is a great key for many people to really take hold of. Often times we get stuck in this cycle of trying to being different, we work so hard toward it and all the while we are being sucked into the ideas and ways the world wants us to be. It hard. Then we find that we are not being different at all and all this time and effort we have put into this task has been a waste. 

What if we stopped putting in the effort? What if we just loved God more and allowed him to work on us and transform us? 

Still, God, you are our Father.
    We’re the clay and you’re our potter:
    All of us are what you made us.

Isaiah 64:8 (MSG)

So, then after allowing all this to just sink in.... here comes this song... 

I've lost my balance
I fell from the trapeze
This act isn't easy
I've been under water 
This storm has been raging
These nights are not sleeping
My dreams are now strangers to me 

And I need you now
There's too many miles on my bones
I can't carry the weight of the world
No, not on my own

Your eyes are like lightning 
Your voice is like water
This place is a desert

I've been walking in circles 
I'm screaming for answers
I might fall into pieces
Or maybe I'm finally breaking through

I need you now
There's too many miles on my bones
I can't carry the weight of the world 
No, not on my own

No more running, no more hiding
No more hurting, no more crying
No more trouble, no more sighing
No more falling, no more striving
No more heartache, no more fighting
No more fears, only flying 

It's that moment when you have those goosebumps on your arms - you are marveling at the twisty lyrics and haunting melody - you find yourself being drawn in... then the music and vocals get stronger and more distraught - a desperate woman appears on camera and starts signing... The desperation is not just in the emotion you can hear through the voice of the singer, but now through the entire body as she shows us. 

This act isn't easy. My dreams are now strangers to me. I can't carry the weight of the world. There's too may miles on my bones. I'm screaming for answers. And I need you now. I've been walking in circles. Or maybe I'm finally breaking through. No more running, no more hiding. No, not on my own. 

I love that I can displace the lines and yet still come across with the same message. Here we are in a state of desperation. A moment or a year of trouble that has crippled us with fear, hurt, heartache, fighting, crying, etc. Yet, here is this song that basically tells us to call out, cry out, have no more fear, and just fly. 

Leap of faith? 

I can't carry the weight of the world. No, not on my own. 

I don't know anyone who can carry the weight of the world on their own. Yet we all work really hard to. Whether you are the husband who wants to be the provider for your family and you work yourself to death to try to make it happen - or you are the mother who tries to be Susie Homemaker and you refuse to ask for help because you want to show the world that you can do it on your own - or you are the child who puts on the act and portrays the perfection through the glass house that you know is not who you really are... 

This act isn't easy... 

So just stop. No, not one of us was meant to do any of this on our own. God did not create us to be a lonely being. He created us to live and thrive in community, to love and dwell in family, to be intimate and share in a spouse. We are not meant to carry the weight of the world on our own, nor are we meant to put that weight on the ones we love. 

This journey we have been on these past few months has surely been trying. We have hit road block after road block and our world has really been shaken. But I have believed through it all that we would come out stronger. I know that I have this crazy faith that God will provide what we need. It doesn't always happen in our timing (ugh - or never does), but it definitely happens in His timing. We can loose sleep and worry till we are blue in the face, or we can lift up our hands and raise the white flag and surrender. Because he can't help us until we ask for the help! 

I've lost my balance
And I need you now

Just the mere act of asking for help moves us from that trying so hard to make everything work our way on our own - to - resting easy and trusting that he will carry us through it all. 

I will have no fear and I will take flight. I will continue to trust and obey because I know that the minute we give up and give it to God is the moment He steps in and works it all out. We are really good at making messes of our lives and He is really good at helping us clean it all up. 

The catch is... after everything is beautiful and lovely again - we cannot forget how we got there. Remember, rainbows and butterflies come out of storms and ugly larva. 

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