Saturday, July 11, 2015

I can't make you love me...

I can't make you love me if you don't
I can't make you love me if I don't

I read this really good book once that always stuck with me - I have suggested many people read it also because I think the message is solid - He's Just Not That Into You!

I summed it up for you already - But lets really talk about what the implications of this idea are and how it can really change the way you look at yourself and anyone you are with. Again - this is not gender specific - If someone is not into you then they won't put forth the same effort that someone will if they are into you. You deserve the effort, you deserve to be courted and wooed. Before you can do all that though - you have to love you!

Before you can share a part of yourself - you have to have something to give ... that means you have to be whole first. I know this is a strange concept because we are so accustomed to filling up from everyone else and not taking any of that responsibility on ourselves, but we must! When was the last time you looked in the mirror and smiled because you liked what you saw - instead of picking and poking and taking mental notes at every little "flaw" you have.

What happened to being comfortable in your skin? Have you ever been comfortable in your own skin? Ever felt pretty enough? Skinny enough? Loved enough? Accepted enough? Good enough? Because you should! And you surely should feel all of this before you start trying to make someone else make you feel all of this and then blame them when it doesn't work.

Nobody can love you more than you can love yourself. I know that sounds vain and crazy, but lets step away from the selfishness of the world and think about how we actually have to be selfish for us sometimes. We have to love who we are - otherwise we are a needy, codependent, sad group of people roaming the earth together.

I can't make you love me if you don't
I can't make you love me if I don't

It is hard to walk away when you realize that they don't love you. It's hard to see things for what they really are because we are used to making excuses and telling ourselves we do not deserve anything else. It is hard to see us and love ourselves when we don't see that kind of love in action.

God loves us. He can fill us up. He can help us see ourselves in a new light - seeing the beauty instead of the pain, seeing the perfection without being vain. It takes some effort, but it's possible.

If someone doesn't love you, it's not your loss - it's theirs. Don't try to change who you are to become someone they will love - if they don't love you now, they won't love you then! If you don't love you then it is your loss, no one else's. You are the only one who will miss out if you don't love yourself. So why punish yourself? Why tear yourself apart? Why not piece yourself together bit by bit until you are whole again - and then you will see. Your scars are reminders of how strong you are.

It took me a long time to love myself, all of me. It wasn't until I made peace with me that I found someone who loved me for me and who I could love as well. I tried for many years to make people love me when they didn't. I tried to become something I wasn't. It was painful, damaging, and only took me down the wrong path. Why waste your time? Why bring on the pain?

I can't make you love me if you don't
I can't make you love me if I don't

So don't.
Work on you.
Love you.
then and only then will you be able to love and be loved in return.

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