oh the politics... lol
Sometimes I wonder what it takes to get your name on the cover of something and then I remember that there are so many politics involved and people to please. Even beyond that, sometimes you have no choice about what the publishers or editors do or how they do it. Then they go and remove all your pretty stuff you put in place to give your piece your touch and your vibe... not even thinking about the fact that they just removed your trademark.
Sometimes you get paid, but most of the time you do not. People think that being a published author is all this jazz, but I would much rather leave all the politics and a$$ kissing out of it and just be a writer instead of a published writer. I know that sounds silly and it makes no sense to most people, but what most people don't realize is that there is no money in publishing anyways, unless you make it big time a bunch of times.
Writing is something I do because I love doing it. I want to share it with the world because ... well... why not? If you have something to say then why keep it all to yourself? If you have a creative tendency of any kind - why keep it to yourself?
If you read my blog at all then you know that I self published a very raw unedited version of my story - not the entire story, but a life changing experience. I put it up on lulu.com and amazon.com and while I know people have read it, I have not made a dime on it and I most likely never will. My purpose of writing it was not to make money on it, but to share an experience so that others out there know they are not alone. It is hard for so many people to turn themselves inside out and become vulnerable, but we have to do it in order to be genuine.
Last semester I submitted to NEIU (my school) for their SEEDS publication and a few of my poetry pieces were selected. This was awesome I thought, but it was such a test of my patience and artistic self to undergo the crap that the editing team put at me ... such as ... it's too self centered... it's too much I.. they just don't like it... ugh!! Well, what else would something I write be about other than me?? lol. But then they published me anyways with a couple new submissions and I just took it because it's not about me, it's about the audience.
This semester my editor friend published one of my poems in the NEIU newspaper. I was gushing (to my self of course in the privacy of my own car) when I saw this in the SEEDS corner of the school newspaper. I'm sure not too many people pick that up and read it, but I was excited that anyone who did would see something I had written and would get to experience that. It's just a whole new idea to think of other people trying to think on or understand what you write and why you write it.
Then there was the SEEDS submission for this semester, which I submitted a couple chapters from the book I am currently working on (Hungry for More) and another poem. They of course rejected the poem - I am sure it was because it was too self centered and all... lol. But they did accept my submission for my book excerpt. This was that much more exciting. I would love to hear people's feedback on what I am writing and whether it is even something that would be enjoyed... but then again here we are with a reality check and understanding that nobody is going to give me feedback and I should be proud just to have it published in the schools SEEDS publication this semester.
I do think it is interesting to sit back and ponder the idea of what others think when they are reading your work. Like we sit in our English classes and scrutinize the works we are reading - trying to figure out what some writer meant when she was talking about the struggle of wearing her flippers as she climbed down the rungs of a ladder to the ocean... of course she couldn't have been talking so literally and meant she was actually doing that at all - she had to have been talking about her inner struggles - the rungs being what she was going through and the ocean being the unknown of what was to come... ugh!!
Can't a sea just be a sea and a ladder just be a ladder. This makes me want to jump off a ladder into the sea sometimes (and I mean that literally). It's funny how we think we are so much smarter or that someone is that much more unique because we read into something that might never have been meant that way.
Then that gets me thinking about why I want to publish at all, but here is the vicious cycle of wanting to be heard and wanting others to enjoy what you are writing and what you have to say. So what my periods and commas aren't placed where you would like them to be, maybe I did that on purpose or maybe I wanted to add a dramatic pause. But, by golly my writing be different than a cookie cutter because in order for it to be published it has to look like everyone else's work.
Oh the woes of the world of writers. So here I am just blogging about it instead of sending hate mail to the person who has offended me by removing my artistic pauses and period/comma placements. Because when all is said and done - the editors are the ones who control what gets published and how it gets published. Any back talk or refusal to cooperate with what they says or their opinion and you run the risk of getting your work removed from the publishing line....
Now tell me... does that involve stress at all?! Because when I dreamed of writing I always thought I would be sitting at a desk looking out a window at the mountains and beautiful lakes with my Macbook in front of me typing away avidly, all the while holding a coffee or tea in my hand and hearing the loves of my life running and dancing around me. <- Now edit that! lol.