Thursday, August 8, 2013

What if...

Have you ever played that what if game? Asking yourself what if this or what if that? Thinking about what would happen if you did this or that? What would have been different with this or that?

So many times in my life I have wondered what would have been different if I would have done this or that... if I wouldn't have gone out that night... if I wouldn't have taken that drink... if I wouldn't have met that guy...

So many times in my life I wonder what will happen in my future... how will my day play out or my week. What will this next semester of school hold or with my students?

We always plan things - plan for things - map our what we believe our day or week or even life will be like. Unfortunately, it never is like what we believe or what we planned for. So the real question is what do we do next? How do we plan for the unknown? How do we not plan?

I like to be spontaneous. Not a current planner - like an in the moment spontaneous type of person who doesn't plan for the afternoon, night, or weekend. I enjoy sporadic planning and deciding events on a whim. While this is how I love short term planning I hate this for long term. I am a planner when it comes to the future. I want to be able to map out my life, my dreams, what I will be doing in 5, 10, 20 years. It is hard to think about the future knowing that all the plans I once had haven't come true and won't. So now I am restructuring and replanning.

Always playing the what if game makes you rethink what you have done and question what you are doing... but does it make you make the right choices? Or does it scare you into not taking risks or into taking the wrong risks?

Where are we? Where have we been? Where are we going? What would our lives be like if... and then here we are again playing the what if game...

So I plan even though I don't know what will happen or if my plans are right or wise, I still plan. I plan for the future and what my life could be like. I still fly by the seat of my pants when it comes to the present because I enjoy the spontaneity of it all. I enjoy last minute decisions because they keep me on my toes and they remind me that there are bigger and better things in life than me.

Even if I were to map out my entire life - guess all the what ifs right - it wouldn't make a difference. I am just one in this sea of many and it doesn't make a difference what I plan unless I am making a difference. So the real questions I should be asking are - have I made a difference? Am I making a difference? Will I make a difference? This is what I should be focusing on over all - not what I ate for lunch - or if what I wore today was cute enough - if I picked the right car a few months ago - or the right classes for next semester. All of these things will work themselves out. If I am not making a big enough difference - then nothing else in life matters....

So I guess the real question is ... am I making a difference? Are you making a difference?

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