Thursday, August 29, 2013

Silence

This is the first time in a long time that I have been silent. I have been battling with the idea of whether or not I should censor myself. I have so much to say and I just am not sure how to say it. I have had a couple really tough weeks in my personal life and I have also had such insight dropped into my lap within that time. 

There are a few reasons for questioning the censoring. Obviously I am not here to hurt anyone or throw anyone under the bus. I am also not here to make anyone feel uncomfortable and I do not want to at any point in time offend any of my readers. With that said, I have to understand the reality of the situation is that I have likely already done that and will likely do that again because I am here to express in writing ideas, thoughts, and emotions. This is not eggshells that are meant to be tip toed on or around, this is a place where I throw fuel on the fire an let it burn. 

With that said I am still deciding what to write and how to write it. But I am battling with this idea of censorship - when it is or isn't appropriate. I am battling with the idea of truth- when is it just time to speak it and when is too much truth harmful and where do you apply truth with grace? 

In tough times I have reverted to silence because being silent is so much easier than making a statement, but what I have to realize is that being silent is in itself making a statement. My silence is very telling. 

Someone last night told me that my eyes were speaking - even in silence I am speaking so loudly with the rest of my body and my soul. I have to realize and understand that this is truth. No matter how much I want to believe - I am unavailing the truth whether I speak it out loud/ write it down or not. 

So as I begin to feel this weight lift of indecision and guilt I will dive into my next blog soon. I just need some time to come to terms with what I will put in black and white before its permanently there and I cannot take it back. It's been a long road - a long journey - but a learned journey. 

I am so ready for more lessons, but lessons that I take in stride as they come and learn as I go - not the lessons that slap you in the face after you are knocked down and having to be helped back up again. 

Until next time...

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