Tuesday, July 16, 2013

writers block...

As I sit next to my computer I feel drawn to it - I just want to write and pour something out onto this page, but as I ponder on what to write I come back with nothing. I could write something personal. I could write something funny. I could write about my book I am working on. Or what is going on in my career right now. But I don't think any of that is interesting enough or compelling enough this morning.

I have always been a writer and writing has always been a natural thing for me. I can sit down at a computer or with a pad of paper and a pen and whip something up in no time. I pull words out of the clouds and things just flow together. I am not sure how exactly it all happens, but I guess it's just the way I am made. Some people have been frustrated with me at times because writing is something that comes natural for me but does not come natural to them. But even for someone like me there are times when I will sit in front of my screen for hours pondering where to begin and I will just not be able to come up with that first word or first sentence to begin it all. Everything banks on that. Once I can get that out then the rest will flow, but if I cannot get that out then nothing will happen.

I have a friend who is a writer and last semester he was severely discouraged from his dreams because of one professor and the outcome of a situation. I had a similar situation happen with me when I was at NIU for a semester which caused me to transfer to NEIU where I am now and will graduate from.

I had a professor who accused me of plagiarism - Now - as you all may know - that is just not the type of person that I am. First of all - I do not cheat. Second of all - I take writing very seriously and would never use anyone else's words as my own - nor would I need to do this.

Basically what happened was I used in classroom ideas discussed in one of my papers and he said that using someone else's ideas was plagiarism and he failed me in that class. The catch was that I also had him for another class and he chose to fail me in that class as well. So - I left NIU with 1 passing class. I decided to leave NIU because this was such a negative experience and I knew I would not be able to continue my passion there. He would have been able to block me from writing and becoming the person I knew I was meant to become. Coming to NEIU was by far the best decision I could have made for myself.

But - now that I am here I also faced some struggles with having to deal with the same professor that my friend had to deal with. He was unfair and unprofessional. He was not a good teacher and was extremely disorganized all the time. No matter our reviews he will continue to teach at the school - so we will all try to avoid him as best as possible, but this is not the whole point. My struggles where not complete here.

Near the end of the semester I received a letter from NEIU stating I would not be allowed to continue at their University in the fall. My transfer credits (1 passing class i transferred in) from NIU placed my GPA below their acceptable acceptance scores and I would have to petition to the board why they should allow me to stay a student at their University. I was completely broken. I knew at that moment someone was trying to keep me down. I would not have any of it. So I wrote the letter:

It took 6 weeks for a response to come - but I finally received that response and was told that I would be getting to stay at NEIU to complete my degree. I couldn't tell you how grateful I was and what a sense of relief I felt after hearing those words. I knew I needed to be back on the right page, but I didn't know what page that would be.... 

Sometimes we can be looking at our lives and just not know where to go or what to do. We can think about where things have gone and where things could possible go, but have no idea which direction to head in order to make that happen. I have been there and so has everyone else. I know there are times when I feel lost, blank, empty, staring out at my life like I find myself staring at a computer screen and I wonder ... 

Am I blocking myself from writing the next chapter in my life?

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