Monday, July 29, 2013

Pain






The thought of being 27 and not being able to get out of bed in the morning never crossed my mind. Or not being able to bump the volleyball around, or play and mindless games for that matter. How about take a short scenic walk with the boyfriend around a pond on a Sunday afternoon. All of these things I pay for the next day - or for the next week.

This morning I laid in bed in so much pain just as I did last Monday morning - I wondered if I would be able to get out of bed. Then I just convinced myself that I had to force myself to do it. The day would go on without me and I couldn't keep letting time pass by me. I am young and should not be allowing this to beat me the way it has been. But as I literally crawl my way into a sitting position in bed and push my way out of bed into a standing position I feel nothing but sharp shooting rigid pains through my back, hips, legs, etc. I wonder if there will come a day when this will not be the case.

Now here I am at work. Still in pain. My co-workers ask me if I am okay - or tell me they can tell that I am in pain because my eyes are puffy or my face is making that grimacing "in pain" face. I load up on ibuporfen and keep pushing forward. My mother tells me that pain is the body's way of telling you to slow down or that something is wrong... well yes of course I already know something is wrong, but I cannot afford to continue to slow down. I must keep pushing forward.

The doctors tell me that people get into a funk. They keep slowing down and then don't know when or how to speed back up. They don't want to push themselves because they don't want to hurt or feel pain. I am not like most patients, but I also have a high pain tolerance. So when I say I am in pain - that means a lot...

So - what to do now... I still have another week before my doctor visit when they will tell me what the plan is as far as medication goes. And until then I am just in the same holding period I have been in since then. So ... here's to the new life.... putting new meaning to the term pain is gain....

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