Tuesday, July 16, 2013

Dunkin not Drunkin...


As many of you know due to recent events (ie - illness and medication changes) I have been limited in my life and there have been changes made to my lifestyle. I would definitely say these changes are for the better. Tonight I made myself laugh a little. I was out of my little mugs for milk and I thought... what better way to put my wine glasses to use (since I'm not using them anymore). Let me tell you - I think wine glasses were made for dunkin! They have the perfect opening - big enough for the cookie and your hand ... big enough to dip ... you can swoosh your milk and make sure you get all the crumbs and don't loose any in the bottom. You have a rim to brush excess milk off the edge of your cookie and don't have to worry about dripping. I am telling you - made for each other!

It just made me think ... think about all the nights that I would fill that glass with wine and sit at home with my dinner and drink. I would excuse it away because it was just one glass with dinner. But over the course of time it became two glasses with dinner - or a glass when I walked in the door - or something different. At one point in my life it would be hard to not call myself an alcoholic. I really struggled with managing my alcohol intake, saying no, and walking away. The problem wasn't always did I drink every day or too often... the problem really was that when I did drink I drank enough to make up for all the days that I didn't drink at all.

There was this Saturday night I went out with some friends to downtown Naperville. We were just supposed to go out for a few drinks. I had to work in the morning and take care of a few things that night on the way home. I had responsibilities and people were depending on me. I met them downtown anyways. We started at one bar, drinking. Went to another bar, continued drinking. By the fourth or fifth bar I do not recall how many drinks I had or what I was meant to be doing. I remember going back to my friends house and crawling into bed because I was too tired to do anything else. My phone died. Nobody could get ahold of me. I missed work the next morning. I was sick as hell. My family was waiting for me and didn't know where I was.

It was Easter Sunday. I was supposed to set up the Easter baskets for the kids the night before. I had forgotten. Really, I had selfishly gone out and now was practically incapable. By the time I woke up and realized all that had happened, I crawled out of bed and to my car. I made my way to the store - miraculously. I had to pull to the side of the road a few times because I was so ill. I called my little sister from the grocery - my phone was dying - but I was still drunk and didn't know what I was doing. I had to ask her where I should go and what I should be getting. She walked me through the store over the phone. It was sad and depressing. I finally gathered up everything that I needed and headed to my parents house.

Again, I had to pull over a few times on the way there to get sick, but I finally made it. I was laid up on the floor with an Easter Basket to puck in for the next day. I almost lost my job and my entire family saw a side of me they had never seen before. I had alcohol poisoning. I was disgusted with myself. I swore I would be sober and I did well for a while, but that really did stick for very long.

Old habits die hard. It's not until something really comes and bites you in the butt like - oh hey maybe you should not drink or else you will have seizures and die... that has helped me at least. I know other people that even death didn't threaten them enough to keep them away and they did die.

I think about the risk involved and the damage .... then I think about my milk and cookies... and I weigh my options. Cheaper, more delicious and enjoyable, less damage to my body, and I can share and enjoy that treat with anyone! I have allowed myself the luxury of a possible drink a week... and I haven't partaken in that drink except twice since my limitations were placed upon me. I do think I enjoy my milk and cookies more.

So - I will be dunkin not drunkin and I think it's a great challenge for anyone - see how long you can take this challenge. Do you find yourself struggling with not saying no - not knowing when to stop - etc.... what would life look like if you didn't struggle with this at all?

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