Saturday, May 18, 2013

Baby Steps...

One foot in front of the other... I have to keep reminding myself. Baby steps - it's like learning to walk again. I cannot believe what a couple viruses can do to your body!

Tuesday night on the way home from the hospital all I wanted was a real meal.... lol... for those who have spent any number of days in a hospital you can understand what I mean when I talk about hospital food vs real food. Mom and I met the kids and dad at Chilis. That was a feat. It was loud, full of people, and the smells were overwhelming. The food took forever and by the time it came, I didn't even want to eat. I had already used all my energy walking to the bathroom and back. All I could think of was getting home and laying down. So much for a real meal.... 

Wednesday night I was feeling alright and I felt like I had a little energy. I tried to go to Walmart and buy Gatorade. Now, mind you, my mother drove and Angela went with me. Angela and I walked arm and arm through Walmart, back to the toilet paper section and moved forward to get a pack of Gatorade. Walked to the closest self check out section and directly outside for my mom to pick us up. I was worn out. That little couple minute trip exhausted me like I had climbed Mt Everest or something. It was discouraging to me. I thought I was feeling a little better and I wanted to test the waters, but I learned that a little energy was not enough to take an adventure.

Thursday night Angela and I stayed in and watched "What to expect when you are expecting". If you haven't seen that movie yet, you should. It's funny and sad and hilarious at the same time. So true and makes you laugh out loud. I think laughter was a good dose of medicine for me this night. I didn't have much pain that day, until later at night. 

Friday night Marissa had a talent show at the Jr High. O Boy... Let's start with the small accomplishments - I took a shower and got dressed by myself and wasn't tired and didn't have to rest afterward. Can you believe it? I couldn't. I think this is improvement. We went to the long talent show and then to McDonalds afterward. I ate an entire meal for the first time in a while. It's been hard to eat a lot because it takes so much energy to eat and because I haven't had a real appetite. Then we went to ice cream afterward and I had a mini blizzard - yum!

Now - this brings us to Saturday morning - I made my own breakfast and got my own meds this morning. This is huge because I haven't been able to do this yet and it makes me feel that much closer to independence and healing. I am getting that much closer to being able to take care of myself. So we will see how things go for the rest of the day and weekend. My doctors appointment is Monday to obtain my release for work.

It's just crazy how the little baby steps can seem like such an accomplishment in the grand scheme of things. It just makes me feel so small in such a big world. It reminds me that I am not alone and was not created to be alone. As much as I long for the independence I know so well, this is the time in my life when I am reminded that independence is not everything it is cracked up to be. It is ok to lean on others and we were made for each other. I literally wouldn't have survived without my family this past week. It just really makes you sit back and wonder what is real and what is not. Who in your life would really stand by you when you needed them the most. Who is your family and who is not?

My family is the people that are related or that are not, but that are there for me when I need them the most. They have been with me through the tears and the laughter, the thick and thin, the sickness and the health. These people have seen me a hott mess and all dolled up. I am growing a deeper appreciation for these people in my life that are there for me when I need them. It's the baby steps in life that make the biggest waves and leave the largest imprint on your heart.

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