Saturday, April 27, 2013

Tired

It's been a long month... I am sick again... and so tired of being sick. I have finals week approaching Monday and Wednesday are my last two days this semester. I am rushing to try to get everything accomplished that I have to still do. This is tiring in and of itself - not to mention the sickness on top of it all - it's hard to bare. I keep praying for relief, but I am guessing the answer is not yet because I am not getting it. I cannot wait till summer when I will have such a lighter schedule before fall kicks in again to kick my butt. I need to focus on my book this summer in my spare time because I haven't worked on it at all since the semester started. School is becoming increasingly more difficult and I need to manage my time a little more wisely. Ie - no tv unless my homework is done, no going out unless my homework is done.... You know - the basic rules your parents had for you when you were a kid. It is so hard to follow when all you want to do is veg in front of a tv, get sidetracked by facebook, or go out with friends.

But then here we are at the end of the semester and I am cramming - and trying to fit everything in - and I am sick :( I guess this is just what I have to deal with in order to get all this finished. I don't know if I am sick because of stress and being tired, or if being sick is just a coincidence and an annoying one at that. We will see. Dr appointment scheduled for Monday am because I am tired of being sick. So we will see what she says. Until then - I must get back to my term papers.... blah!

Wednesday, April 3, 2013

still standing...

do you have to make me feel like there is nothing left of me?
you can take everything i have
you can break everything i am
like i am made of glass
like i am made of paper
go on and try to tear me down
i will be rising from the ground

I have made the decision to stop seeking out what I think is intended for me. I have been on this search, almost a hunt, for the perfect man for me... I have not stopped looking - almost to an excessive point. This past weekend I was reminded why this is detrimental to me and why this can be ALL consuming.

I need to be focusing my time on things that will bring glory to the one who made me. I need to be focusing my time and efforts on things that will allow me to excel in this life. Instead I have spent so much time investing into a man that is not the one for me.

He will have to arrive at my door step with a flashing sign that he is the one because otherwise I will not be keeping my eye out for him. I will not be making the effort to find him. I will not allow my life to consumed with this effort. I need to spend my time on the things that are important.

I have believed so many men and their lies - their deceit - I have believed because I have wanted so badly to have this life I once envisioned myself to have. Yet - as I sit here today - I would much rather have any life than that life with a man that is demeaning, dishonest, deceitful, disrespectful....

I am taking a STAND