Thursday, November 8, 2012

Rejuvenation...

This is so weird... Time is passing so quickly and I can't help but think back on last year this time... what was I doing? Where was I going? Who was I? Who am I now? Where am I going? What am I doing? How does it all compare and what have I accomplished.

Saturday I attended a woman's retreat with Mission Church. We basically went to a lodge in the woods and spent the day relaxing, crafting, painting nails, experiencing time with other ladies and God. It was extremely rejuvenating and exactly what I needed to put me in the right mindset for moving forward.

Saturday night I had some great dinner conversation with my brother and a friend. We just sat and pondered over some life questions... What have I learned this year? How have I grown? How can I apply that to my life now?

Last year I was stressing over relationships, hosting Thanksgiving dinner for 20+, and worrying about plans for Christmas and the New Year... My life was a complete roller coaster ride from one day to the next.

Now I am here... living in a new place, working at a new job, surrounded by new people, volunteering at a new church, going to a new school, working on a new relationship, what else??!! lol. When I look at my life, I think of all the times I really saw God at great work and it was in the most hectic times that I was at such peace in my heart. Yes, some days are hard and life can get stressful, but I know that I am on the right path and I am doing what God is calling me to do.

A large portion of my life I have lived in fear. I have thought I wasn't good enough to be the one God was calling to do something or another. I have hid in the darkness, even when God called me and he knew where I was anyways. I have been tied down by these chains for so long and in so many different situations ... but I have never felt more free in my entire life! More independent of this world and more dependent on God.

My life is far from perfect. I am far from perfect. I know that. My life is merely a journey on a winding road trying to find that destination that is laid out for me. If only I had a life GPS... lol. For now... I will say that I have learned to accept the advice of others and head the warnings placed before me. I have decided to be more open and vulnerable. I have decided to put my whole heart into a few things instead of putting pieces of myself amongst many things. I have become more independent of people and more dependent on God. I am learning how to define my roles, as there are many.

I am really looking forward to this new holiday season and seeing what will come .... I think I might actually decorate this year! I have some Christmas lights... maybe hang them from my balcony?

Thursday, November 1, 2012

I'm starting fresh and starting new. I can't believe the end is in plain view. A Happy dance puts my heart at ease. What took so long? The promise was such a tease. I'm so glad this chapter in my life is closing and I can finally start a new one. This process has been drug out for so long and I am so excited that I am finally done! Done and Done.

Now onward to cleaning out the closet and throwing away all the nonsense. What once made me happy means nothing any longer, but I will always have the awesome memories of that one time I paid lots of money to have awesome food and an incredible dance party! Love it!

I'm so grateful to all the people (friends and family and friends that are practically family) who have just been there for me through this entire mess. I cannot even begin to explain all the necessary nights of laughter, or wine, or relaxation, or family time that just held me together.

Every post that has occurred on here has been full of changes that have been taking place in my life over the last 18 months or so... and there are still more to come. I never knew that so much could happen in one person's life in such a short period of time, but by golly... if it's going to happen to anyone, it's going to happen to me. LOL.

I know God never gives you more than you can handle because there is nothing you cannot handle without him. I just feel refreshed and rejuvenated. I want to finish my book, publish my poetry, buy a guitar, write a song, finish school, get a teaching job, see these awesome Mission Students grow before my eyes, and really just enjoy every ounce of life that I have to live.

This Saturday I have a bout of relaxation that I am excited to partake in. I also am excited for an upcoming trip in November!! Cannot wait! And just this Christmas which will be awesome and I think I am actually excited to decorate or buy a Charlie Brown tree or something... lol.

Something borrowed - crock pot
Something blue - vacuum
Something old - situation
Something new - life!

I am so glad that I am finally able to officially move forward and just look toward the future instead of being kept dwelling in the past! I am leaving it all behind... and just keeping my eyes set forward... I cannot wait to see what God has in store for me next!