Sunday, February 26, 2012

Cleaning out the closet

So Saturday I was cleaning and organizing. I was moving stuff out and packing stuff that I didn't want inside my house. I came across some stuff and was surprised at how easy it was to just get rid of it. It's been a long 4 months and as every day has passed I feel more and more empowered, independent, happy, joyful, free.. I could just go on and on. I know this is a long healing journey, but the only thing I don't understand is the other party dragging you through the mud for no reason. What's done is done. But otherwise I just feel better.

The more and more I reflect and remember things from the beginning and all throughout that chapter of my life - I can't help but to wonder why? Why didn't I have the courage to just say no or walk away? If I had one message from this experience it would be love isn't everything but it is a great blinder. I don't know what else it is other than that.

But as I sat and talked to my sister today it was good just to smile and think about the future. Just to think about the possibility of sharing life with a positive person and not having to give up everything for a negative person.

If I could just go back to that first impression moment - I would recall the feeling of too good to be true. I would recall the feeling of friendship, but not desire for romantic relationship. But I allowed myself to get blinded... And so now here I am... Starting yet another new chapter in my life.

Some changes over the last few months: comanager at work got hurt, been managing the store short staffed for months, lived alone for a while, new roommate moved in, redecorated, started new semester at school, been to court 2 times, paid a 10th of the cost of my wedding for a lawyer...., but..... I'm saving money, planning vacations, getting straight A's, my store is up and doing well, I'm interviewing and hiring new staff, and I'm laughing every day, and excited to go to work, and come home, and see what's in store for me when I open my eyes. It's been a while since I have felt this good. Now if only I could make time for that gym membership I'm paying for- lol..

We will see what comes next ...

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