Thursday, December 29, 2011

A new begining

So - as i sit here and blog i wonder what life will bring. I know that it has not brought what I thought it would, but maybe i had the wrong idea. I guess it is true that you never know what is around the corner, you are not in control, and you cannot predict the future. Also - you cannot change someone else, you cannot make anyone do what you want them to do. Sometimes our plans for our lives do not align with the creators plans for our lives. Funny how we always try to convince ourselves that everything is OK even when deep down inside we know it's not. As i sit and look back at the last 25 years of my life i wonder - what was i thinking?! lol. This life has been full of craziness and fun, full of excitement and disappointment, full of adventure and bouts of boredom. And now i am over a 1/4 of a century old. So, realisitically speaking a quarter of my lifetime i have lived. What will i do with the next 25?

Around this time of year people are usually making ridiculous new years resolutions and trying to figure out how to better themselves for the next year. but realistically most people don't follow through on those resolutions and even if they try to don't last long. I'm not making new years resolutions. I'm just turning my life around.

I have gone back to school in an effort to finish my degree and get the job i really want to be in. I have joined the gym so that i can work out and stay healthy and not have the health problems that run in my family. I have worked my butt off so that when it comes time for me to rest i can say i put my fair share in and more. I have lived and loved and now it is time for me to let go.

My heart is heavy as i write this because today is the day i go meet with a lawyer. I don't know what will happen over the course of the next few months. I don't know what will happen over the course of the next year or two. But what i do know is that this is a new beginning and i won't make the same mistake again. Usually when things seem too good to be true they are too good to be true.

So i will listen to my friends and family better when they give advice. I will take to heart what they feel and have to say. I will not be as stubborn as I have been and i will get my pride in check. I have so much life left to live - I don't want to be complacent anymore. I don't want to be on the sidelines looking in. I don't want to look at other people and wish that was me. I don't want to regret. I don't want to feel trapped. I don't want to be anybody that i am not.

It took me so long to get to the point where i could love myself truly for who i am - some people may say that i am making selfish decisions, but i don't think that it is a selfish decision when it pertains to your spiritual, emotional, and mental well being. i think then it becomes a necessary life decision. So today starts the journey to the new life, the new beginning, and to making the necessary life decisions that i have to make.

Wednesday, December 14, 2011

holidays - doesn't seem like the merry season

so we made it through thanksgiving - but only by the hair on our chins. it was a packed house and lots of fun people - we had enough food and drinks for everyone and our entertainment for the evening was my brother Dan brought a game Cranium. <- all the kids loved it and couldn't get enough. They were jumping around it was fun!

We all got to spend the holiday together and it is always nice to have everyone in one place. And we got to meet Dan's girl and her kid and that was super fun too!

Now Christmas is upon us - just around the corner - i was writing schedules for work today and i couldn't believe it. the next few weeks are christmas and new years and then school starts soon after that. it's going to be packed. it just has been so busy around here it's hard to get in the holiday cheer.

went christmas shopping last night with family and it was a blast. we spent 10 hrs yesterday just shopping and searching for the perfect items for all the kids and i think we found them all! I can't believe we did it, but we did. out at the stores till midnight and up until 2am searching online for everything we wanted. Even though it's not everything they wanted or maybe not the top of the list we are trying to make this christmas as memorable as the rest.

Almost 6 months married -> it is tough - let me tell you. Seeking counsel and making the best life decisions we can make for each other and our future. We will see where this leaves us.

Tuesday, November 22, 2011

The feast is almost upon us!

Preparing for a Thanksgiving meal for 20+ people is kind of a big deal....

This is what we have so far...
20lb turkey - still needs to be prepared, glazed, cooked - currently defrosting in fridge
10lb ham - still needs to be glazed and baked
20lbs of potatoes - still need to be peeled, soaked, boiled, mashed
2 apple pies - 1 still in the process of preparing (homemade yumm!)
2 pumpkin pies - 1 coming from Sam all the way from MI :)
4 dozen cookies
Mom's strawberry fluff
Corn flake treat (like rice cripsy treats)
2 bags of broccoli
2 bags of corn
4 boxes of stuffing
6 jars of gravy
veggies + dip
crackers cheese and meat
olives, pickles, - yum!
croissant rolls

OMG - so much still to do :)
But grocery shopping is done - i'm about to go finish the pie and corn flake treats - got help with the cookies (Skyler) - and tomorrow night after working 9-9 i will be up all night peeling potatoes and preparing delicious foods!

Spent the last 2 days grocery shopping - cleaning - rearranging the house - Interesting efforts - found 2 table clothes i didn't even know i had - i have cleaned my house top to bottom and re-discovered my kitchen counters! washed all the bedding, towels, and table clothes. oh my goodness... i even found time to make a goody basket and time for some arts and crafts :)

idk what i would do with myself if i had more than 2 days - i think i would be at a loss for what to do - so much accomplished - well - off to finish baking :)

Thursday, November 17, 2011

Life and the trials it brings...

So - it's been a crazy couple of weeks/month pretty much.

Back in October my dad's mom was admitted to the hospital for liver failure, which progressed and caused other medical issues including a strock. Now she has been transferred to a different hospital for rehabilitation due to the stroke and is still there.

Monday Nov 7 - mom, dad, and ang were in a car accident. Some kid rear ended them. They were taken to the ER at St. Jos in Joliet. Dad and Ang were released with minimal injuries and Mom was kept overnight. Then the next day she went to Edwards Heart Hospital and was just released yesterday Nov 16.

It's been a crazy few weeks to say the least. Trying to manage life and all that it entails. Got work and kids and husband and finances and school planning - Managing the kids schedules and coordinating rides and meal plans all while having other commitments that consume 60-80 hrs of my time throughout the week. It has been pretty eventful.

But most of all - there has been no time to breathe. Today i slept in till 9am! OMG! and now i am sitting blogging for the first time in a month - I haven't even been able to keep up with everything that is going on in my friend's lives. I have been only half there in almost every circumstance.

BUT - Thank God for friends and family - churches and small groups - My brother coordinated dinners for us - which was such a huge stress reliever! I am so grateful and thankful for that. I never could have realized what a relief a prepared meal would be! Thank you so much to all the people who are participating in this. My family won't have to worry about buying groceries or making meals till after Thanksgiving - which is such a financial relief as well because my mother has been off work due to hospitalization. - My husband was at the house with the kids almost every day until I could get there. He was a huge help and last weekend he took em to Portillos - which they loved :)

I remember when i was younger and our family would get into a bind and then friends would come over and bring us food - or a Christmas when we were younger and there was a knock on the door and when we opened it there were 2 boxes full of presents for us (I will never forget i got a stuff animal for christmas that year - a dog with a scarf - i think the kids still have it) - or the Christmas when the doorbell rang when i was in high school and there was a sled full of presents. Or even the times when people extended wonderful and enormous gifts to my family.

This year I am treating my family to Thanksgiving. I know it is something as small as a meal - but it is a huge weight lifted off my family - one less stressor to deal with. No planning on their part - no financial obligations - no cooking or worrying - and they don't have to worry about the house being clean for company - This year thats all on me. and honestly i wouldn't change it.

I am treating myself to a me day this coming Monday - in preparation for what is to come and for relaxation and rejuvenation for what has been. So - that is what i am looking forward to :)

Tuesday, October 25, 2011


So the holidays are nearing and we are preparing to host our very first Thanksgiving dinner married in our new house for the first time ever. Is this stressful!?!?! I think so! We have started to planning and inviting - oh wait - our families = almost 20 guests!!! Redecorating our house and moving furniture to try to get everything to fit and our small space seem more spacious. We have started our grocery list and planning..... 25 lb turkey, ham, 20 lbs of potatoes to wash, peel, cook, mash, make delicious! etc.... this should be eventful to say the least. As I browse websites for the best recipes I have decided that maybe the best thing to do is ask - So, dear friends, share with me your favorite recipes :)

We are hosting so we will provide the following items:
Turkey, Ham, Stuffing, Potatoes, Veggie trays, Relish trays, Cranberry Sauce, Gravies, Green Beans, Corn, Apple Pie, Pumpkin Pie, and whatever else we can think of. SO  -  I already have a good apple pie recipe that i make, veggies and quick trays will be easy, cranberry sauce i will just buy, potatoes are a family favorite we make so that's good, but what i am searching for mainly is the turkey recipe, ham recipe/way of cooking, stuffing recipe, and pumpkin pie recipe!

Thanks for shooting me ideas! I am sure I will have lots of pictures and I will definitely share with everyone what we come up with! Now.... just to figure out how to fit that many people in our town home..... bahaha it will be creative!

Sunday, September 25, 2011

Art Project!

Tonight we finally got some pictures developed from the wedding and we were able finally use some shower & wedding gifts that we were given. Here is what we made:

The most frustrating was the lighting that wouldn't let my camera get good pictures because of the glare... But - had lots of fun together getting all this put together.

Wednesday, September 7, 2011

Decisions Together.

Falls almost over and the new year will be here before we know it. I can't believe what time has gone by and what has happened in that time.

We have had such a journey already even in our first 2.5 months married. Most recently we went to Kansas City MO for our Labor Day weekend. We were able to spend some good time with friends and family - but most importantly we had some great conversations with a few people. some we knew before we were there, some were strangers.

I realized I am not where i should be but in order to get where i need to be i need to make a lot of changes.

Meanwhile - I may be looking crazy because while we have already been in such a tough time most recently. I know that what i am saying and what i am talking about may seem reckless. BUT i also know that if i do not do what i am meant to do then i will be traveling further on this forged road than i should.

So - here we are - at our first marital fork in the road - where we have to make our first life decision together. if it were me alone i would have already made the decisions by now. but i know it is not just me and so we have to have the important conversations and make the decisions together.

how strange it is to be waiting on someone else to make a decision that used to be only mine....

Sunday, August 28, 2011

2 months in....

2 months being married and we are together at a wake. the next day we are at a funeral and everything is bitter sweet. We got to meet family we have never met before, John was able to experience a loss the way our family deals with it. He was able to see what family means to us and how we act and come together as a family.

Family when you are married = husband, wife, and if you choose to have children. you are forced to create your own family and move on from your birth family. BUT - when tradgedy arrises and there is a need for an even larger family to come together and that is the family that consists of = husband, wife, children, parents, brothers, sisters, friends, and anyone else dear to you.

You open your home to people you have never met. You hug and kiss more strangers in one day than ever in your life. You have tears of strangers on your shoulder.

When you are weak i will be strong for you. When you are in sorrow i will bring joy to your life. When you are at war i will be on the front line with you. This is what family is. This is what family means.

It was a very long week - We found out about the death of my grandfather - dad's dad - Friday August 19, and we laid him to rest Friday August 26. It has been extremely stressful, trying, overwhelming, emotional, sad, bitter, angry, happy, joyful, - did i mention stressful... But, we all made it through and are ready to move on with a new theme to life. NO REGRETS. We have reconnected with family and connected for the first time with some and we are ready to expand that family meaning and embrace those we are meeting. Everyone needs someone sometime and that is what family is for, knowing that no matter where you are or what you are doing at least one person in your phone will answer and come to be with you.

Friday, August 19, 2011

bills thrills and everything else.

SO - apparently when we both changed our addresses at the Post Office they decided - lets loose all their mail so they can't pay their bills on time. :( Dislike.

Hours of wasted time on the phone with companies trying to straighten things out or switch over to paperless billing. i really think it's a scheme between the paper company, the bill company, and the post office to get everyone to switch over to paperless billing.

SO - i have been on the phone with verizon for over an hour trying to get our online cell phone accounts and it just got corrected. Now onto finding out where my title to my car has been mailed to and our gas and electric bills, etc. Argh. this is the most complicated move i have ever made in my life. and that is saying a lot considering i have moved over 25 times in my life and i am only 25. Boo!

Monday, August 1, 2011

1 month!

We celebrated our 1 month anniversary and our honeymoon getaway this weekend. It was a gift from my parents and a blast! We went to Lake Geneva WI. Stayed at Lazy Cloud Inn - Phenomenal Getaway.

We stayed in the Stone Grotto room. It was beautiful :)

We explored downtown Lake Geneva, watched the sunset on the beach, enjoyed a room at the inn with no tv and lots of time to talk.

We went on a touristy boat trip and  discovered black point -

So much fun. And then we headed back and double dated it with my parents with appetizers and a movie. Glad to be back - glad to be home. Back to real life and done with honeymooning. Can't wait to go again!

Thursday, July 14, 2011

1st year is the hardest....

The first year is the hardest. That is what everyone says - it makes you wonder if this is what you have to experience to appreciate real love and what marriage really means. Or if this is what you have to experience to understand what real love and marriage really means.

To all those veteran married couples. I applaud you - You have accomplished a feat that the devil tries to deter you from every second of every day.

Marriage is about loving when you don't want to love, about supporting the other when you feels you have no strength left. Marriage is about creating a cord of three strands that cannot be broken. Marriage is about unconditional love which entails hard work and is not easily created.

In merely 19 days - we have fought battles that many married couples see in time. The drama is life right now is overwhelming and we are meant to depend upon each other. Can i say that my first year of marriage experiences happened in 19 days and move on to the bigger and better things in life? or is this a reflection of how our next 19 years are going to be?

No time for each other and we don't even have a family yet.
A job that isn't willing to pay their employees and puts us in financial distress.
Loss of a job due to layoff.
Stress of the other working too much with no option to help support more.
Neighbor problems with homemade waterfalls and falling ceilings.
10 hour power outage which almost causes loss of food and sanity.
Family drama on both sides.
Longing to be healthy enough to enjoy the others company.

All of this in 19 days. Can we have peace for a while? But we still love each other....
Nobody ever said it would be easy - but nobody warned us it would be this hard. 346 more days to go.

Friday, July 8, 2011

Our Place

So we are settling into our place. We are getting things put up on the walls and in place where they belong.

The kitchen is coming together:

So super excited about everything in the kitchen - not gonna lie - we had to buy a smaller microwave to fit all our kitchen gadgets on the kitchen counter. lol! love the new mixer - haven't used it yet but plan on using it tonight. and the blender is awesome! thanks Matt - and the Keurig! amazing! used it bunches already! love the grill we got from Ventura family - already used it for 2 delicious dinners!

But don't forget our amazing table we got from Johns parents - love it!

The rest of the house is coming together - slowly but surely :)

 Our dvd collection that needs a home.....

 Couldn't live life without my beaches....
 Laundry room and extra bathroom....
 Extra bedroom -
 Amazing quilt we were gifted by my adoptive grandmother Irene Goodrich - all hand quilted!
 Our bedroom - obviously can tell which side of the bed john sleeps on :)
 Our bathroom.
 Ps - we need more closet space.
 Our unity candle - gift from johns parents.
 Awaiting a picture of us... :) gift from BFF Alicia.

There is just so much more to do and so much time - we will see what comes :) 
Almost 2 weeks - and we still love each other <3